Foster with Bucks Fostering stories

My wife and I have been fostering for seven and half years.

I have been reflecting on my journey into fostering quite a bit lately. I myself was orphaned when I was two years old, and my brother and I were raised in a family that were friends of my parents and acted as our guardians. If they hadn't taken me and my brother in, I'm not sure what would have happened to us - we might have ended up in the care system because we didn't have a wider family who could have been able to step in.

I also went to boarding school when I was 10 and spent my teenage years in an institutionalised environment rather than a home environment – and I'm not sure that it helped to create a well-rounded individual. I think children need to be in their family home and that's the best environment for them if it can be achieved.

My wife and I are Christians and about 10 years ago I was praying a lot, asking God to show me the needs in the society that I could help and contribute to. Someone lent me a book called ‘Home for Good’ by Krish Kandiah, who is a foster carer and a doctor, who wrote a book about the needs of the children in the care system. Me and my wife we were both emotionally touched by the book and at the same time saw TV programmes that were focusing on children in care that we were completely gripped by.

Krish Kandiah also founded a charity called Home for Good and invited people who were interested in fostering to a summit to find more about the topic. He told us stories of children in care that really spoke to us. Our own children were in their 20s and we were approaching the empty nest phase of our life, and we thought, “Yeah, this is something we could do.”

It was almost a no brainer that we should look into fostering.

We were looking after children of all ages when we were first approved. We had a newborn baby for 10 months until she was adopted, and we really enjoyed that experience. She's now seven and just visited with her parents the other week. It was just absolute joy to see her in a family and thriving.

With teens, you don't have to pick them up and carry them, or put them in car seats. It’s more about helping them, and being a mentor, an advisor and a parent figure, rather than some of the practical stuff. We sit down and talk about how they manage friendships, how they manage money and homework, and what GCSE's or A levels or what university course they want to go to. That’s rewarding and we've really noticed that you can make a huge difference.

We have a 15-year-old who is growing in confidence almost weekly and will put himself out there to do something that six months ago he would have backed off due to fear. It's just wonderful to see how much he's progressed.

I think matching is really important. Both my wife Andrea and I are fairly gentle and quiet people and the teens we have at the moment are gentle, quiet children. If we had a teen who is swearing or throwing things or being violent, then I think we would say “sorry, that's not the right match for us”. There are other foster carers that match to the more ‘in your face’ teens and know that they can work it out and cope with it.

As long as the matching is right, it doesn't have to be difficult.

I think it's the opportunity to make a real difference and seeing how the children grow and develop. And because we’re long-term carers, seeing them embed themselves in our wider family is great as well.

Listen to Steve’s full story below and find out more about his fostering journey; how he feels about fostering teens, what fostering sibling groups looks like and the small moments that make fostering special.